Why I'm running to raise awareness for Grooms Minds

Eileen’s story

From a young age I always lacked confidence/never liked the way I have looked/always thought I was fat/worried I would say something and upset someone or always felt like I wasn't working hard enough.

I did know that I wanted to work with horses as soon as I left school and at the age of 14 I started working for a lady part time. 

As soon as I left school I began working as a groom. I worked on an eventing yard and a show jumping yard, we then moved house so I then got a weekend job working on a small western yard and started my level two apprenticeship in Horse Care at an eventing/livery yard.

For the summer I went and worked on a racing yard after completing my level two, before starting my level three apprenticeship in Horse Care at an equestrian centre which I have almost finished. 

During this time of working long full time hours I was also doing freelance gardening and as well as looking after/riding/competing my own horses. This meant lots of 4.30am starts and finishing at 8.30pm. It was knackering, I had very little energy, I never had time to eat which slowly turned into an eating disorder.

Even though I was so tired, I couldn't sleep. I always felt on edge and could never sit down. I felt if someone caught me sitting down they would think I was really lazy and I would never have a day off. Although I have recovered from my eating disorder I have had kidney problems from not drinking. 

During my time as a groom I have seen bullying, people getting screamed at, crying, people too scared to say anything, being made to feel very lonely and constantly being watched. Not enough staff and an impossible amount of work which meant there wasn't any time for breaks.

Don't get me wrong I have loved working in the different yards I have worked in and I have learnt so much! I feel very lucky to have worked in these yards as I know by some of my friends’ experiences, they had far worse. I only saw a glimpse of what does happen.

I felt if I did try to talk about it, I felt like I was always moaning. Then I would just break down and couldn’t stop myself from crying which would upset everyone. I felt so lonely and was desperate for someone else to talk to even if it was on the phone. 

This combined with working too hard, which wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own, led to me becoming very ill.

The road to recovery has been tough. But since I have been on medication surrounded by help from my amazing friends and family who are supporting me I am working towards a positive future and making the most of opportunities.

I have been very lucky to have the opportunity to set my yard and own business from home to offer livery in addition to working alongside my Mum who has horses in for breaking.

For a long time I felt like I didn't deserve to have my own yard from home as this is what so many people dream of but would never have the opportunity like I’ve had. I felt spoilt and even though I was so grateful and I have paid for the stables, got planning for and built the school, it still felt like I didn't deserve it.

My friends and family have told me I have worked so hard for what I have got and thoroughly deserve it! They told me not to waste this opportunity and prove to all the people who may have told me that you couldn’t do it that I can!

I saw Grooms Minds on Facebook during Mental Health Awareness Week. By doing my challenge and sharing my story I hope to help raise awareness and encourage other people to talk.

The more people who know about Grooms Minds mean that more people that can get support. I know so many other grooms who have gone through similar situations and if they had known about Grooms Minds it would have helped them too. 

I want all grooms to know that they are not alone.