How my mental health left me on the floor during a team chase

Currently, I am sitting on top of a hill, the last of the evening sunshine is lighting up the clouds in an outstanding array of peachy, pink hues, I can hear the nearby brook angrily gurgling its way through the bottom of the small valley and all the birds are doing their last song of the day.

I can see a roe doe and her half-grown kid grazing on the edge of the tree line in the early evening sun. Off in the distance I can hear the low vibrato hum of the milking machine.

Sounds idyllic, doesn't it?

And it is. Mostly. What I have failed to mention is that I am also currently sorting out the bane of my existence - electric fencing! How can such a simple thing be so stressful? And how does it come fresh off a roll and immediately tie itself in 57 million knots just by touching grass?

But that’s not all...

I'm driving a tractor older than God's dog and have just run over the electric fence battery because the brakes are quite vague. I haven't been to bed before 12 am since June and the last time I was still in bed after 7 am was at least six years ago, before my youngest was hatched!

This week alone I've worked three different jobs for three different people in three different locations over two countries. Four different jobs if you count the six-month government contract I'm also involved in (but I’m not allowed to talk about that. The first rule of fight club and all that).

I’m tired. My back hurts. My gammy leg hurts. And I think I'm getting the flu courtesy of my wife and children...it's not man flu though so it won't be fatal.

All in all, it is a bit less idyllic than my first paragraph made it sound. And that segues (what a weird word, it's segway like the self-propelled scooter but spelled like that. English is strange!) Nicely into the topic of today's blog: mental health.

Now, I'm not exactly Mr Warm and Fluffy, in fact, I'm more Mr Cold and Spikey and fortunately, I've never had an issue with my mental health. That's not to say I don't take things to heart or get down or feel that the world is against me or any of the myriad of things that affect us all on the daily. My coping mechanisms are much along the lines of when they wrangle those horses off the mountain in Yellowstone... F*** it! If you haven't seen Yellowstone watch it, it's very good!

I wasn't always such a finely honed emotional brick though. I remember one occasion when I was team chasing, I was going through a truly torrid time in my personal life, and I was thoroughly miserable. I went and rode in the open at the Essex and Suffolk team chase and I was what can only be described as dangerously reckless.

I went flat to the mat for the first 10 fences. I made turns on the serpentine of hedges that should have been impossible. I didn't care what stride we were on (or even if one existed), I just needed to go fast.

I needed a release.

I ended up upside down in the second half of a road crossing. Turns out you cannot go absolutely flat out off the bridle, kicking down to a double of very big, very wide hedges and intend to bounce it. The little horse knew better than me and said no. It was the shake-up I needed to rattle my brain back into some sort of order.

I completed the intermediate later that day on Aintree Fox Hunters winner Scott's Grey. There's a great picture of me patting him down the neck. It wasn't a well-done pat it was more of a ‘thank you for helping me’ sort of pat. I don't cry, no tear ducts or something I dunno, but I could have cried that day.

I'm lucky to have a handful of close friends I could call up at 3 am for help and they'd be there to bury the bodies...I mean talk. I’m definitely not a hitman for the government!

As men especially it's hard but it is good to talk. So, consider this your nudge to go grab a mate (or your boss, a workmate, hell a stranger will do) and have a chat if you’re struggling.

Remember. It's never as bad as you think it is.

Unless you’re riding in the rain… or in this case, sorting out electric fencing. That's every bit as awful as you think it is and bloody worse!

Huge thanks again to Ben for taking the time to write about this very important topic. Please remember we are only ever a phone call away, and Grooms Minds is here for you 24/7.

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